I'm going to be ill.

There are good days and bad ones, rough days and pleasant ones. And then there are weeks that just kick your fucking ass.

This was one of those times.

It began with Illoria's death; and her subsequent return as a bear. She is now living in the woods outside of our keep.

Lim Dul just- disappeared, in a way. He was very much there, but so depressed over our losses- over the loss of a friend and someone he was clearly romantic with- he locked himself in a room and stayed.

The first thing that occurred was that we wandered down to see Garenar- Ann's goblin friend. Yes, I did just say goblin friend, and yes, he is creepy as fuck. I don't really trust the little thing, and I don't think I ever will. It's not that I dislike him, or cast him aside as bad- after all, what would I be if not hypocritial, after the mess with King, if I judged Garenar the same way Illoria judged the wolf? But he gives me the shivers, and there's just- something about him that puts me off.

Still, I'm reasonably decent to him....that is, I don't treat him any differently then I treat anyone else. Why should I, after all? If I'm going to have a reason to dislike him, it's going to be because of something he did as a person, not because what he looks like makes me uncomfortable.

Turns out our little companion now has a teacher. A cyclops teacher.....one that is a very strange being. Talron is friends with these people, this race, as I said before, and so it didn't utterly shock me to see one here. And he's generally pleasant enough, or seemed to be, in the time we got to speak with him.

But he's- an odd one. He downright scolded Ann about choosing her words more carefully, and I got caught in his little lesson as well. Like so many other races I've met since starting this, he seemed wise, in a way, and very different from myself. I don't know what I think of him. He makes me a bit uncomfortable, and yet not.

After we left him, Ann went her own way and I headed back into the keep, where I was promptly assaulted by the Ambassador from the citadel. I felt- almost bad, having to put him off until dinner. But the more he spoke, the less I liked him. By the end of our brief conversation, I felt little to no remorse about making him wait even another two weeks. Prick.

Back inside, I informed Talron of almost everything that occurred with the diary and the vampires, the dryder and the strange shadow woman that guarded that fucking book. After that I got a bath and rested a bit, before finding Ann. It was time to deal with the ambassador from the citadel. That- did not go well. I invited him to talk over dinner, but the more we spoke, the more downhill things went.

Elves, I am finding, are incredibly stubborn. Ann is not only stubborn, she's ornery. And when she takes it into her head to push, she pushes just as far as she can. Lim was in no state to join us to discuss with the ambassador, and so it came down to Ann and I.

Now, I'm a more mild person, usually. I don't like to make waves if I know I can't swim in 'em, and when someone makes a proposition I think is fair and understandable, I'm not going to argue with it, even if all of me doesn't really like it. When he named the tax price, I saw no problem with his stated price and was willing to pay it. Perhaps argue it a little, just to see what would come of it; but generally more then willing to say 'okay'. But Ann had to question things.

That's when we got a bit of a surprise. Turned out the citadel had been working to protect our keep for months now; protecting us and it, at least to a point. He dragged out papers signed by Grand Deacon (funny, when we first met him he wasn't nearly that important) Helix Mandrell himself.

Now, this man my companions have worked with and for a few times. I've only met him once or twice myself, but he seems like a decent guy. But there's something about him I don't trust- we've had bad dealings with the clergy, besides, and he's a member of it. But his signature seemed legit, and that meant everything we were being shown also was legit.

We were told, now that we knew about this protection, we owed the citadel for it. The price went up to over four hundred gold up front, and still one twenty a month following. Still a decent deal, and an understandable reason behind it.

But Ann just would not fucking stop. And the man sent from the citadel was an asshole anyway, aggressive and irritable from the start.

The whole mess ended with him storming out yelling insults. I followed, pretty pissed off myself at the whole situation.

We had dinner- a second dinner, a private one- later that night with our gusts. We told Shane and Thalice about a little girl in the citadel, one we'd found months back. She could cure any disease, it seemed, and had, in fact, removed Lim Dul's lycanthropy.

Unfortunately, that had gotten her and her aunt kidnapped. The werewolves have them now, along with a friend of my-our- own, Min.

Thalice and Shane were none to eager to enter the citadel, though, but refused to say why. None the less, they appreciated the knowledge, and left in the morning with about half the people they'd come with-the other half stayed in this town.

After they were gone, we had only one more door to shut before going back into the citadel ourselves.

There is a man in our keep. His name is Deagon, and he claims to be a gold dragon. He's arrogant and rude enough to be one, that's for sure. Bit of a wandering eye, too. And very- confident, perhaps a little too much so.

Whatever he is, his aura- or what seems to be his aura- is blinding....litterally....and he's got magic, apparently. We annoyed him beyond what we should have last time we met him, and it was time we made amends.

Gold dragon or no, talking to Deagon is like talking in circles. Not only did we wait for fucking hours to met him- and you can only stay entertained for so long, and when you're with an elf, who has unfucking endless patience and keeps telling you to have it, too- meeting him was just about pointless.

We got no pertinent information from him, hell, could barely make sense of what we did get. Ann gave him wine, as an apology, which they both helped themselves too and I stayed way the hell away from. Thank you very much.

Well. At the very least, hopefully we have an ally or companion of sorts.

We left him, too, and proceeded to just- rest, the next couple of days. Then we prepared to head out.

The day we left, our fishing transport was attacked. One dwarf was killed.

Apparently, the citadel had withdrawn it's protection. Apparently, we needed to fix this, and fast. We rode with the caravan back to the city, and had no problems getting in.

Stop one; Ann's daddy.

Now, her father, he's on the council, or advisor to the council, something like that. I'm a fuck of a good talker, but that's where my skills end; when it comes to legal issues, I keep my nose out of it.

So when we got into the heart of the citadel to talk with him, I kept my head down and my mouth shut, primarily. He questioned her and she did the same back, primarily questions regarding our 'Toby', who her father apparently knows as well, and those of Ivy and King's ilk. Apparently, the town we were in already had been set upon by the citadel before we could warn them to be careful of those beast creatures in the woods.....not to harm them.

Typical citadel. The more I find out about 'em, the less I like 'em. And then not only do we have to pay taxes now, but affiliate ourselves with them. They want us on a leash, is what, like a good pet dog. But this particular dog ain't even a little tame. And I ain't afraid to bite.

So they got their taxes. We straightened things out with Mandrell and got us a new emissary, hopefully a better tempered one.

Now, boys and girls, this is when it gets fun.

We left Mandrell's and went back to my part of the citadel....where I knew the key to a lot of my past was.

Well, Semei's Big Fuck Up Of The Day Number One came when I very first lead Ann into the building I was fairly confident would take us to a man who could explain who or what I was- my husband. The man who's ring I wore around my neck but had only met roughly twice in memory.

Yeah, how fucked up is that?

Anyway, I- lost my head, once we got there. And, like an inexperienced idiot, I simply walked into the tunnel leading to himself, didn't even stop to make sure it wasn't trapped.

I should have let the damn building fall on me when it collapsed. A useless shit-for-brains like myself would be better off, I think. Stupid Semei.

Needless to say, my dumb ass set off a trap- only remembering I heard Ann's quiet- 'check- traps- ' before kaboom, and hello, oh, shit! and for a moment we could do nothing but go....well fuck.

So Ann came up with the brilliant idea to head out onto the street where I'd met Damon a few weeks before. I lead her out there, and we walked straight into a man prowling about.

Now, I have this really incredible armour. I mean, seriously, I love that shit. And it does this neat trick where it can look like it's not armour. I've never in my life had a reason to use that. Ever.

Found out with Semei's Big Fuck Up Of The Day Number Two that using it? Might be a good idea.

We saw the man stalking us- heard him, too- and I stepped out to confront him. But I did not expect him to be right fucking there.

I hate people smart enough to change their aim. He saw what I wore and took a nice big smack to my head instead.

If you have never had a sword's blade meet the side of your skull, I will be one to personally assure you it is Not Fun. It, in fact, kind of makes you just want to throw up and pass out. Not even the kind of throwing up and passing out that comes with getting drunk. Oh, no, at least with that you had the idea that it was worth it, damn it. No, this was just fuck's sake, stabbing me would have hurt less, and done more.

Unfortunately, it did stun the shit out of me. So I was easy to grab and use as a hostage. Luckily, Ann can also do some fast talking when she wants, and it didn't take long before this brute of a man who clobbers women half his size upside the head realized I was his- boss's?- wife.

The moment he did, I demanded to know what was going on.

And, to my surprise, he told me. well, not everything, not straight out. But enough to let me figure out I am smack bang in the middle of something huge.

He knows about the Man In Black being in my head- I assume they all do- and he knows how I wound up where I was. He knows- me- he knows about the were and the pretend dragon- he assured us, he's not a dragon- and he knows about the keep and everyone in it and- Talron.

Never in my life have I felt more like dirt then when talking to this man. I was so upset, so angry at everyone, at being kept in the dark, that I didn't once think about anyone else. I was frustrated and angry at Damon, and didn't once stop to think how Damon felt. If anything, I thought he was angry only that I was in the position he thought he should be in. And I assumed it was because I was a woman.

This man told me. Oh boy, did he ever tell me.

Which is worse- not remembering a thing about your past, or remembering everything and having to watch the person you love- and according to this man, yes, he does or did love me- not remember? And assuming, watching me with Talron, that I feel anything but strong friendship?

And yes, damn you, shut the fuck up, that is all I feel. Maybe I had a bit of a crush, once, but this changes things, doesn't it? The ring around my neck changes things. Hurting someone that loves me changes things. Being someones wife changes things.

Well, I certainly hope the dumb son of a bitch knows I probably can't cook for shit. So there.

Anyway. Most of that conversation- it's a blur. I was- so upset that I let most of it fly over my head. But I got what I needed to.

Apparently, this is an alpha force in taking down that Ulti-evil I mentioned before. It has something to do with the giant vampire we fought, the black orb we got from him, Damon and his lot, the were- apparently they're after Damon- wizards.....and lil' ol' me. And now- or maybe from the very start- Ann and Lim, as well. Illoria's part in this story has come to an end.

I'm scared to admit it, but I wonder if Lim's is close behind?

I'm tired of loosing people.

But then, this is a war. And people die in war, however subtle the battle may be.

As proven by what happened next.

The man slipped out of the ally he'd been talking to us in, and, like fools, we let him walk off. Alone.

No sooner had we turned around then we saw he'd been dragged off.

We saw too late. One of those mangy flea-ridden mutts appeared, tossing his body- his body, the body of someone who had, I assumed, protected me, who had been my friend- around like a rag doll, like a child might toss an unwanted, half-broken toy.

And when he informed me that 'another one' was down, I thought I just might loose it. It was only Ann's arm around my shoulders- where it had been for a while now, and I was only faintly aware of it- that kept me from chasing that son of a bitch down. It was only her warm hug that kept me from breaking down utterly. I'm surprised she did that; and touched, on top of it.

I didn't remember him, or even know his name. But he seemed like a good man, and he was dead because of me. Just like Min was kidnapped, because of me. Because I am stupid and selfish and keep coming back here. Because I won't leave Damon alone and let things be the way they are.

We could have taken him to the clergy- but there was a little voice in the back of my head saying bad idea. I don't know why I thought that, I just did. so we instead took the body back into the room with the path to Damon's little world, and left it there.

Ann took his sword, and I pretended not to notice. I didn't care, just then.

She also, more helpfully, copied down the image of a tattoo on his arm. Maybe that was something, maybe not. We'll find out eventually.

And with that, we left.

Ann was aware almost instantly of a man following us. I wanted a drink- hell, I wanted to get so drunk I couldn't see straight, but with a tail, that was no longer an option- as we found a tavern.

He followed us in- youngish, handsome, hair Ann apparently liked, quiet- and ignored us.

But when we left again, so did he.

We found a room for the night, and he took one that was, ironically (or then again, maybe not) right next door to ours.

Thus when we left for dinner, Ann and I made sure we changed rooms when we didn't see him come down, as well.

A good thing, too- the next day, he left.

He'd been in our old room.

And so the follower became the followee- we trailed him across down, into downtown slums land. I mean, where I was apparently from was not the best part of the citadel, but it wasn't nearly as bad as this.

This was just depressing. It didn't help my mood any. Yeah, the citadel cares about all her people. All but these people. Fucking hell.

We watched our man enter a two-story building a little ways into this butt crack of an area, and then- and then we waited. For hours.

He didn't so much come out as he was thrown out.

Literally.

Beat to hell, on top of it.

Two gaurds- hah, gaurds, more like thugs who thought they were the hottest fucking thing around- dragged him off. And we followed again.

Now, I was- already pushed way beyond what I could handle. I felt like a time bomb about to go off, so incredibly close to the edge.

When I saw these two big sons of bitches double teaming the shit out of this poor guy, it was just what I needed to slip and fall right off the cliff.

Time for some stress relief. To see how these two big, bad men did against someone not being held down who could actually defend herself.

I killed the first one before either even knew I was there.

The second I just tried to lay flat with the hilt of my dagger, but the brainless dick was too stupid to go the fuck down; I hit that fucker four or five times, and he still was up, lumbering about like a drugged up ox.

And then he called for help.

Ann was trying to get our rescue mission out of the line of fire, but she's small and slight, built for stealth and speed. This man was half-unconscious and much larger then herself. And he couldn't help. He tried, but he they'd done a hell of a number on him.

I left off trying to beat down Brainless Ox and slipped his other arm over my shoulder, wanting to get us the fuck out before anyone else showed up. This was, after all, my fault.

Oh, but it was fun.

Unfortunately, our friend wasn't as brainless as I'd have liked. After trying to punch me- that didn't go over well, and made me laugh out loud as even I'd forgotten the glamour was still on what I wore- he stuck his fingers in his mouth and started a whistle. That forced me to simply kill him. Hell, I gave him the chance to back off!

I acted too late, though, as ten more showed up, blocking our way out.

A moment's banter- playful on our end, perhaps less so on theirs- and Ann was plucking them off with her bow without so much as breaking a sweat. It was almost a waste, to see her skill and talent be put to such use. I swear she was yawning. I swear I was, too.

They tried ganging up on us, and while they got in a whack or two, nothing we needed to worry about. Togther, we killed or nearly killed every last one of them.

Then we dragged our Damsel In Distress down the ally and somewhere as safe as we could find.

And then he found out he'd been dragged from the mouth of the wolf right into the lair of the dragon.

I have to agree with him, though, when he said fate had to be fucking with him.

That man had been hired to kill us, and we'd just saved his life. Irony of ironies; and very convient, as well.

And so we found out, Ann and I, that we make a pretty fucking good interogation team. Especally when Semie isn't exactly feeling very well balanced up top and is more then willing to keep you alive for days and days. Or just flat out kill you, if you push hard enough.

Yeah. I'm still at that happy little place even now; I feel like string pulled way, way too taunt. And I will snap and hurt someone with the littlest amount of pressure.

Ann took full advanatge of my already quick temper and strained nerves. She added her own lazy purr as a perfect counterbalance to my desperate bark, her calm deliberateness to my erratic movments. She improvised well, and once I caught on to what she was doing I played up my own intensity.

And then there was the fact that we counted our kills. On Ann's fingers, in front of him. Without really meaning to impress, just- taking a tally. Can't even remember what got us on the topic. We had killed eight guys dead for sure, with two close to it.

I have never in my life seen anyone's eyes get bigger the way his did. I had to fight not to laugh. I had to fight harder at Ann's expression.

As for me, well. I wasn't acting as much as I'd liked him to think I was acting. He was hired to kill us by a group with the symbol of a scarib beatle- the same symbol that had haunted me since I'd gotten away from that place where I lost my memories. Because of our- my- orginization with Damon's group. I wanted- needed- him to talk, anyway I could get him to.

Unforutantly, this hired assassin knew nothing more, or at least, not right then. He was still beat to hell and obviously shaken up by this fast chain of events. We fed him a healing potion and made him a proposition.

If he still wanted to kill us, he was more then welcome to try.

But if he wanted better then this, free meals three times a day, no threat of getting the shit beat out of him for messing up, and, if he was loyal, people- reliable people- at his back, he could come with us.

Still shocked, but willing, he came with us.

His name, he said, was Skin. Because he liked to- collect trophies.

Ann does that, too. I swear, I am surounded by lunatics. Sur-fucking-rounded, and I have a feeling it won't get better.

I informed him that Skin was not a name, and even if he'd not given me another, I'd have refused to use it. I'd have found an annoying and infantly irritating nick name he hated and used that.

(Heh, that- actually sounds amusing. I still might do that. Must consider this new source of entertainment. After all, he's less like to hurt me then Ann is. For a few weeks, anyway.)

Besides, in my mind- new path, new name. This chapter of his life was coming to an end, and a new one- a better one?- starting. I couldn't imagine he was happy, living like this.

His name- or at least the one he gave us- is Simon.

And no one, bad person or good, deserves to live moment to moment. No one deserves to get the shit beaten out of them for fucking up, or have to watch their back constantly.

I don't know how he got into this life, but he made it sound like it wasn't voulentary. I'd be surprised to find it was.

So, with our new found, less then completly sane and less the completly decent companion, (fits in just fine, he does) we went shopping. (In two places, we kept our new friend as a kitty useing Ann's amulet. That was amusing as all hell, and when someone comes up behind you after spending two hours as a cat and meows instead of speaks, it's hard not to roll with laughter.) We got into a tight spot getting out of his part of the citadel, before that, but Ann and I can play the part of brainless floozies very well, apperantly. Although it was hard to hold the giggling, idiotic facade when my oh so sane elven counterpart asked for opiate.

But out we got, and shopping we went.

We had an assload of gold, and in a matter of hours, we were down to one fifty. Yeeeeeah.

But, on the plus side, what we bought was nessicary and useful. Plus, it never hurts to keep one's relationship with shop owners up. And what better way to do that then spend more money then you should?

We ended up with a broach for protection against posiens and such, an amulet for more defense, though aginst other things (of the more magical nature) a very incredible, very special rope, and several potions.

Which left us with a dillima. No money, no way out of the citadel. We couldn't find a ride and we didn't want to walk it. We couldn't buy horses or rent anything (no gold....) BUT.

BUT, we had a man with us now capibible of and willing to steal us a ride.

Ann was totally against the idea of horse theft. Me? I was more open minded. Kiss my ass, citadel. And all you little fucks inside.

And I will never, ever admit it, least of all to him, but jumping on a fast-moving horse?

Something that might have terrified me before now was just way too much fucking fun.

I think the lunacy is contagiouse.

And I think I might do something very stupid very soon.

I'm excited.