Taking a step back.

Yeah, so I'm writing an extra entry this time. Sue me, I've got a lot to think about.

After talking to Ann and giving myself some breathing room, I've realized I need to take a step way the fuck back, here. It's hard as hell, but I need to remove myself from this fucking mess and look at it as indifferantly as it's possible to.

Emotionally, I want to just blindly accept that Damon is my husband and he loves me. I want to think that I have freinds and companions that are watching over me simply because they care about me, and together we're working for something good.

Once I take one or one hundered really fucking deep breaths, this starts making less and less sense. I'm not a naturally optomistic person. Fuck, I'm downright morbid, half the time.

There are some things here that just aren't fitting nicely into the works. For one, why the fuck was loosing my memories so fucking important to this plan? Or maybe it wasn't- maybe it was that they needed the Man in Black, and that was the only way to get him.

For two, if me not remembering is so nessicary, why tell me even as much as they have? Why would Damon even once have said it should have been me, the first time we meet, knowing full well that would make me curiouse. Why would he sign a note your dear Damon, or give me the ring, or tell me even as much as he has?

Could be the whole story is a lie. Could be they're faking not wanting to tell me what they have, when the real story is something differant.

It pisses me off, to think I've been so neatly played.

Ann has a point. I'm not going to loose what and who I have now over someone that may not be real at all.

Talron is, if nothing else, a very remarkable friend. One of the few people I let myself feel close to. I don't want to loose that, or destroy my future because of a past that could be nonsense.

I'll speak to him again and try to remedy what I've done. If it in fact turns out that I'm wrong, that everything is exactly as it seems to be- well, then. I guess I'll have to make that choice I'm afraid of making.

Talron or Damon. Ann and my newfound companions, or old friend and allies.

I highly doubt there will be middle ground.

I'm not going to approch the five in the keep, I don't think. Not right away, at least.


On another note, some things I forget to mention, being a fucking emotional useless mess.

Dagon is not a dragon. At least, not according to the man that died a few weeks ago. No one knows what he is, but I was assured a dragon he is not. Now, he's just one hella big confusing knot, that little fuck, but damn if he's not interesting. Funny as fuck, but interesting. I'd like to find out more about him. That....might be kinda hard. Not exactly a forthcoming guy- or rather he is, but not with anything too damned useful.

Simon's chosen form of entertainment is a bard named 'Whistles', I think, so dumb-fuck nickname like that. what the fucking hell is with these people and there fucking lame-ass aliases? I swear, I'm gonna start second guessing Ann's name, if this bullshit keeps up. Of course, technically, her name isn't Ann, but then, I can't spell her real one for hell and anyway, she's Ann unless I'm pissed. Ann is just easier, and sides, it's cute, like her.

Yeah, I'm not pissed at her anymore. She meant well, and she's got more brains and balls then me anyday. She just wants me to keep my eye on the prize and not get hurt, and I can't stay mad at someone for that.

No matter how much I want to dislike her, for her own good.

Simon's also trying like all hell to figure out where our fish are coming from. Maybe, eventually, we'll show him.

A long time ago, months ago, we ended up in this insane-ass topsy fucking turvey adventure surrounding a miniature keep. A lot of shit happened, but the end result was our miniature keep was no longer tiny. It didn't take too damn long before we found out how we could likely make it full size, and we needed something to do with it.

Well, suffice to say a lot more shit went down. I wish I could explain in detail, but fuck me- I honestly don't remember so much of it. It was, like I said, months ago, and with the way we live, one insane fucking mess blurrs right on into the next, without much pause. Two storylines get real tangled up, here, anyway.

Anyway, end result again. We get our keep to a little town called Shoulwater, and there's this-special was we have that lets us go from one to the other. (There's another like it, too, that used to go somewhere. Ain't saying where or where it is.) I ain't openly saying what they are, but there's more 'pathways' around like them. So that's what we use to get the fish to our keep near the citadel.

I just forsee things getting a bit messy if Simon finds that out right off.

Apperantly, our town of Jhadu ( damn, I know I spelled that wrong.) has been throughly abandoned to the beasts and animals that live near it. According to our new emmassary, it's a safe haven, of sorts, for them. In hopes, he says, of nature taking it back. I have my doubts, but then, considering what lives in the woods near there, maybe I'm wrong.

Shane and Thalice....wonder whatever became of those two. Fucking interesting pair- maybe one day we'll find 'em again. They had more then a fair share of secrets, and I'm a naturally curiouse little fucker with a knack for getting into trouble. I'd like to see what trouble they have to offer.

Ivy and King, too. Kinda miss that big furball- it was nice, having him at my back. And sides, he was fun. A dick, but a fun dick....and still a decent guy.

Guess Illoria's still black-bearing around, out there. Havn't seen Lim at all...poor fuck's so screwed over this he's gone all shut-in on us. I feel like shit about it, poor big guy, but right now, we've got bigger problems. Seems like we're the two left, besides Talron and his ilk, to handle this place.

Fun.